t-minus 6 days

I am painfully aware of the reality this coming weekend holds.

Graduation, separation, frustration, uncertainty(-ation). All those goodies and more.

Yippee.

I’ve been reminding myself about this for weeks now so that I wouldn’t get caught at the end going “WHERE DID ALL MY TIME GO!? GIVE IT BACK!”

And yet, here I am, on the brink of my last week as a Samford student, and I am very much screaming “WHERE DID ALL MY TIME GO!? GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW!”

Because as aware as I am of the looming spectre of graduation, I am having a very hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that after Saturday, there is not one guarantee on this planet that I will see these people again.

Yes, we have friends’ weddings to go to and some of us will be in the same cities and we will do our best to make trips to see each other, but it’s not a certainty.

After Saturday, my college friends will no longer be easily accessible. They won’t live in my building or across campus. I won’t see them in class or the Caf or at Shiloh or walking across the quad. Even those of us in the same city will be in entirely different contexts of life.

This is not a summer break or Jan-term or spending a semester abroad. This is leaving. Separating. Permanently.

There will be people I hug on Saturday, people I spent hours of class with, hung out in Ben Brown with, made a late-night Waffle House run with, that I will never see again once we turn to hug someone else. It hurts, but it’s true.

I can articulate all these impending realities, but I can’t comprehend them fully. It’s too much to adjust to. I can’t.

I’ve invested so much into Samford, into its people and its culture and its tradition, and it has invested in me. It’s been very much a home. And now I just…leave. How does a heart manage that?

Believe me, college graduation is exciting, but things like this make it terrifying as all get out.

But honestly, I’m grateful that this impending separation is so difficult. It means that my time and relationships here meant something, that they impacted me. Permanently.

I’m so grateful for each and every memory I created during my four years at Samford, and even more so for the people involved with those memories.

I love you all with every bit of my heart.

Bow wow, Bulldogs.

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